I did not have many moments of joy ,when I was alone with “IT ” My Father was VIP ridden the world of nemesis so I didn’t get to see him as much. A lot of the time I would feel like I was walking on shattered glass then Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde would go from just being a terrifying nightmare to crude gut wrenching, agonizing reality.
Not knowing what to expect the egg shell affect was very much my daily existence can remember feeling the hatred subjected towards me because of constant reminder the way I looked and whom I resemble . I came to know what it was like being secluded down is musky corrugated layer the way cans and preserves were . Every time I did something to enraged “IT” that appeared as flesh and blood that resemble a person I did call my biological mother” Was just the deceit of proverbial mirage of lies.
When I was forced down there into penumbra stale basement filled with vicious mortifying secrets. There was an old wooden chair that was very uncomfortable, quite frankly fucking painful to be forced to sit in. It would bound my arms and legs with no shirt, usually just bottom pants, trackers I remembered as if it was yesterday having erosion horrid smell paralysing my senses from its stench. That make feel like I wanted to aspirate in my mouth and vomit, some odours you never forget.
When I would be down, there is that arrogated place where it feel like there were no signs of life . Just empty silence of turmoil of broken thoughts thinking what did I do to be here how could anything like her say I meant something and they love me. It became something that felt I must have deserve this ” IT would whip me repeatedly with black shoestring licorice learned a long time ago not to cry to give her that crippling power over me. There was no point in trying to scream for help, it was nothing but paralysing silence, trying to tell my father my life would be in serious peril.
I kept thinking for a long time what if I try to behave, not do anything to set off “IT” but came realised that nothing would change because it didn’t matter what I did its fixation of this monster rage was projected towards me no matter what
Some Scars always remain they will never close just remind you Pandora Ravishes in ripping out your innocence