I would like to start by introducing myself … Hi I am Alex
Many have grown up with mesmerizing moments from their childhood had two loving parents” I was not one of those:
starting from the aged of 9 until I was 16, I was subjected to horrific physical brutality from my biological mother whom we will refer to “it”
its level of hatred was cast onto me because of how much I reminded it of my Father. When my Father was home I never had a need to fear or think I was walking on shattered glass.
I also understood what he was doing was rid of the world of Nemesis so when he would leave on an assignment I been asked why I didn’t tell my Father? and I was told by “it” if I did she would inform his C.O that he was doing things to me” and in the Armed Forces that is a Death sentence. I would be left in clutches of Mommy dearest and its twisted sadistic desires and pleasures. Many times it would be an unbearable and fucking nightmare a lot where I endured was in what I called the “Basement of Secrets” I would be forcefully confined to a chair and whipped for hours with black licorice.
There were times I wouldn’t be allowed to go to school because I would be healing from the beatings and welts. At a very young age, I learned and embrace the darkness as my numbing solace and was welcoming with open arms.
I had a mate of mine who’s alcoholic Father was abusing him physically I gave him pat on the back and he yelled ouch. had a massive bruise on his lower back…so I thought if they believe him why not me?
So I reached out with desperation to be resurrected from that living hell and was laughed and mocked at because what I was telling them was so surreal.
Many mornings I would wake up having knives throwing at my feet or cans frozen juice whipped at me to see my reflexes.
That night I strongly believe and cringed in paralyzing fear that I would not see the Sunrise again. After being crushed and losing all hope that others would help me. I knew if I was going to survive this fucking living Hell it would be because of (ME)
Ironic thing and fucked up one is the person who was sexually abusing me saw me more as a human being …I guess I choose the lesser of two evils.
So( THEM) that tried to break me, ripped me into never was ‘thought they could extinguish my Life
Though fucking wrong yes you laid waste and wreak havoc all over my body and mind with scars even though I still breathe I have been shattered into pieces.
I was always taught by my Father that no matter what keep going but last December before Christmas I was not myself I would put on a smile and act like I was fine but far far from it.
Never in million yrs did I think what was going on with me would this. I also didn’t know there was a more voracious and vicious bastard to PTSD but I do know now” I live with it every day, as a constant reminder by Roller Coaster I ride.
Thank you for listening to My Story if you know anyone that is struggling never let them think they are lashing out in silent terror.